I didn’t celebrate

TempleYesterday was an amazing day. I woke early to do some trail running in the beautiful foothills of the Salt Lake Valley. I planned the run to be early enough in the morning so I could avoid the heat that was forecast to approach close to 100 degrees for the day; I don’t handle heat very well.

After the run, I made a planned stop at the gym to soak my legs and feet in the hot tub before I showered and put on fresh clothes before I headed to the air-conditioned movie theater next door. Summer is my time to catch up on the movies I don’t see the rest of the year, and I don’t mind going to matinees alone.

I then spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon browsing home improvement stores as I made a mental wish list of features I would like to add to my home. As I looked at the different design ideas, my heart longed for a day when I would have somebody with whom I could share my home. Unfortunately, I feel like that day will never come.

As I got into the car to come home, I heard the radio announcers talk about the day’s Supreme Court announcements. I experienced a brief sense of joy, but deep down in my soul was some aching. My aching, you see, is because I knew too well what the reactions of many friends and family members would be.

I was tempted to get on Facebook and Twitter when I got home to read the reactions of others, but something inside me–I will say it could be that still, small voice we are taught about in Primary–that something told me that reading the posts of others would not be good for me on that day. I had the deep impression that I should wait at least a day.

So, June 26 became a social-media-free day for me. I missed out on a few local celebrations, but I spent the remainder of Friday taking care of some home maintenance, reading and planning some future writing projects. I was tempted several times to check up on how others were responding to the day’s news, but I resisted.

Believe what you believe

I waited until after I took a morning walk to open my computer this morning. When I first checked in on Facebook, there were a few jokes about rainbow explosions all over social media, but the lighthearted tone didn’t last very long.

I started seeing post after post from my LDS friends. Very few had comments from the individual who posted, but they were links to articles. Post after post were like needles in my heart, as I read headlines telling me that the people from my church, the kids I knew in school, and even family members truly believe that I don’t deserve the same happiness they take for granted.

Now, I am not going to ask my LDS friends to change their beliefs, but I want to ask them what bombardment of links and quotes posted on social media is meant to accomplish. Perhaps it’s an attempt to reaffirm one’s faith, but isn’t that best done in your home and not on a social media site?

I am sure I am not the only one who has been hurt by the passive-aggressive disapproval of who I am that has been shared so many times in the past 24 hours. I have other friends who have posted on their social media outlets at how disappointed by the angry reactions of friends and family members. I didn’t celebrate because even though the government now recognizes me as a full citizen I now know that too many of the people I love don’t think I should be treated with fairness.

I long for the day when true believers will accept that Jesus atoned for me just as he did for each of them.

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Every Six Months

Latter-day Saints believe in the resurrected J...
Latter-day Saints believe in the resurrected Jesus Christ, as depicted in the Christus Statue in the North Visitors’ Center on Temple Square in Salt Lake City (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s LDS General Conference this weekend. Growing up, these two weekends each year were my favorite. I looked forward to them because it meant that I didn’t have to go to church; I could escape the quiet tormenting some of the boys around my age caused. Later in life, it became a time to take a break from the busy weekends I had serving in church callings.

The past several years, however, I have entered this weekend with the hope that church would make a major announcement that would shift the way my LDS neighbors treat anyone who doesn’t fit into their tidy definition of worthiness. I have wanted somebody to talk about our homosexual brothers and sisters and call members to repentance for the way we have been maligned, but that hasn’t happen.

It hasn’t happened, and, as a matter of fact, Boyd K. Packer has been allowed to continue sharing his misunderstandings of homosexuality. Church members continue praising him for standing firm, and they make sweeping comments that they don’t realize are so hurtful. In many ways, I dread this weekend now because I hate to see what controversial and hurtful comments will be made.

I have heard rumors that the church is waiting to make a policy change about homosexual members, but we know how reliable rumors can be. The people in the know claim that leaders are just waiting for Boyd K. Packer to pass away, and then announce that they have received more enlightenment about the matter. They claim that the leaders don’t want to offend the long-term leader and announce that he has been wrong for so many years; they would rather alienate thousands of church members and millions of men and women to appease this one man. I am not sure I believe this, but I have heard the same ideas from several different sources.

I have often wondered why Boyd K. Packer has taken such a strong stance on homosexuality. Sure, faithful members will say that it isn’t Packer who has declared his disapproval, but he is speaking for God. In my mind, if that were the case, wouldn’t comments from other leaders support him? Would the church make an effort to edit his comments from a previous conference when they printed his talk? President Gordon B. Hinckley and others have now admitted that they believe that homosexuality could be an inborn trait that one cannot change, yet Boyd K. Packer sticks to the old ideas that it’s a choice that can be fixed.

I really hope that the church leaders are sincerely praying for a solution to this conflict. I hope they take bigger steps to heal the wounds and bridge the gap that has been created. I so wish that my LDS neighbors will soften their hearts and see that their misunderstandings about us do hurt and make us feel like outcasts within our own communities. Will this happen this weekend? Of course not, but I can always hope.